she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
