im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
