You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
