next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
