You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
