So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize