Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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