fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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