Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
