thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
