yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
