Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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