he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
