can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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