You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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