So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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