1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
