so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
