you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize