Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
