I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Less talking, more tequila
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
