R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
