Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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