I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
