How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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