just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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