You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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