My first STD was from a foam party
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
