WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
