does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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