Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
