i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
