i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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