We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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