P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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