Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
