Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We just shotgunned beers for America
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
