If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
