ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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