I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
