You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
