You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
