Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
