i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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