She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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