what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
