he wants to bone in the snuggie
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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