Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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