Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
