My first STD was from a foam party
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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