did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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