Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
