Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
