if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You pole danced in your parka.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
