stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
