hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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