He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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