Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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