me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
