they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
