awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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