I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
