I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
