:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
