i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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