I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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