Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
