Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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