Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
