I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so let's talk penis.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
