mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
